||[Jan. 6th, 2004|06:46 pm]
|||||Naruto OST- Wind||]|
Before I go on this rant..I thought I tell you that a girl was found dead in the shower today at the dorm called Goodhue. It shook up the whole school. The email that was sent to us said the death was accidental. It doesn't tell us much, but we got to speculating..and it was quickly ended because it was an uncomfortable topic. None of my friends knew her, since she was a Sophomore. Hm. It was just freaky that this happened.
Anyway, I just wanted to express how I've been feeling seeing Peter and Gloria together. Jessica said that I would resent Gloria if they were going to get together. I don't hate her and I'm not resentful against Peter. All the resentment that would be typical in this situation towards them is directed towards me instead. I don't know if that makes sense, but I'm mad at myself more than I am at Gloria. It just adds more problems to my low self-esteem. Like I can't talk directly to Gloria anymore, or even consider her a close friend..because I know she's with Peter. AND it just sucks..because I really wanted us to become great friends..but I don't see it happened for a while. I get timid and quiet if it's just me and Gloria talking together.
::Sigh:: It's just pathetic. I guess I was so used to directing my attention to Peter, and trying to hang out with him often last term..that I can't get used to realizing that it won't be like that anymore. Gloria will always be there with him. BLAH BLAH BLAH.
LIFE SUCKS. TOTALLY SUCKS! I hate my thoughts, I hate my horrible moods, and I hate it how I can't be mature about this whole fucking thing. I don't think I'll ever have a boyfriend until I can improve my self-esteem. The question is...when and how will I do that?