Log in

the homies [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
the homies

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

I've realized [Jan. 12th, 2004|11:43 pm]
the homies

[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |Gackt- The Last Song]

I've realized so many things in this past week. All them were damaging to my self-esteem, but at least I"m coming into terms with them.

I've realized that I'm never going to speak intelligently like a lot of friends sometimes do at Carleton. My life has always surrounded movies, anime, and television. I love to read as well, but since I never did much of it as a child..it will always be hard for me to motivate myself to read. I know that sounds fucking pathetic, but I need to be honest with myself. I've also realized that I'm not that socialable. I prefer being by myself for most of the day. Though...that's only true if I'm here. Back home..I would drop whatever I'd be doing to hang out with the homies. :o)

I'm also becoming increasingly worried about my self-esteem. Now, don't freak out please..but I've gotten to such a low point that I've started to hate myself a lot more than I have before. I've decided that the only I can improve that is to become more diligent in my studying habits. NO MORE NAPS as well. Those always throw me off.

Hmm. That's all I think of for now.

ONE good thing that I have realized about myself is that I look really good with a turtle-neck and my leather jacket on. I get many compliments from people I know when I do that. :o)

Goodnight everyone! I hope tomorrow will be a better day in Japanese than today. :o)

link1 comment|post comment

(no subject) [Jan. 8th, 2004|09:23 am]
the homies

[mood |distresseddistressed]

I feel really alone right now. :o(

Nothing is the way it used to be first term, and my performance in Japanese class shapes what my mood will be the whole day.

I'm not succeeding in anything here, I'm so lost. I have no idea what I'm doing....

I need a friend to talk right now.
link2 comments|post comment

Another day... [Jan. 6th, 2004|06:46 pm]
the homies

[mood |gloomygloomy]
[music |Naruto OST- Wind]


Before I go on this rant..I thought I tell you that a girl was found dead in the shower today at the dorm called Goodhue. It shook up the whole school. The email that was sent to us said the death was accidental. It doesn't tell us much, but we got to speculating..and it was quickly ended because it was an uncomfortable topic. None of my friends knew her, since she was a Sophomore. Hm. It was just freaky that this happened.

Anyway, I just wanted to express how I've been feeling seeing Peter and Gloria together. Jessica said that I would resent Gloria if they were going to get together. I don't hate her and I'm not resentful against Peter. All the resentment that would be typical in this situation towards them is directed towards me instead. I don't know if that makes sense, but I'm mad at myself more than I am at Gloria. It just adds more problems to my low self-esteem. Like I can't talk directly to Gloria anymore, or even consider her a close friend..because I know she's with Peter. AND it just sucks..because I really wanted us to become great friends..but I don't see it happened for a while. I get timid and quiet if it's just me and Gloria talking together.

::Sigh:: It's just pathetic. I guess I was so used to directing my attention to Peter, and trying to hang out with him often last term..that I can't get used to realizing that it won't be like that anymore. Gloria will always be there with him. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

LIFE SUCKS. TOTALLY SUCKS! I hate my thoughts, I hate my horrible moods, and I hate it how I can't be mature about this whole fucking thing. I don't think I'll ever have a boyfriend until I can improve my self-esteem. The question is...when and how will I do that?

linkpost comment

(no subject) [Jan. 4th, 2004|12:55 am]
the homies

[mood |awake]

Coming out of hibernation real quick to say, BYE KELLY!! Stay safe and have fun.
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Dec. 5th, 2003|01:52 pm]
the homies
[mood |crankycranky]

went out with my sister all morning.
i got the cutest strappy shoes at pay less.
so im going to wear them today.

i just got out of one of my stupid sarah mood swings.
i hadnt had one of those in a while.
but the shoes really help me through.
they are a little small.
but ill squeeze my foot into them.
linkpost comment

Ugh! [Nov. 22nd, 2003|12:32 am]
the homies

[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |Sailormoon Songs! :o)]

I can't stop thinking about this.

I know this sounds incredibly stupid, but I keep thinking that you've become better friends since I left..and what if I can't be as close with you guys anymore?

I won't know the inside jokes or great stories.
Will you guys fill me in when I get back home?

I'm slowly realizing how far away I'm from you all. I'll be going back from school, but soon after 6 weeks I have to go back. Ah..and I won't be going back to "my room" anymore...all the anime posters are gone! I can't even think of my dorm room as my room either.

Wow. I should get back to studying.


link2 comments|post comment

Picture Time! [Nov. 20th, 2003|02:27 pm]
the homies

[mood |chipperchipper]
[music |Cruel Angel Thesis]

I couldn't help myself..I had to put some of my pictures that just got developed on livejournal! I have more to show you guys, but I just HAD to show you a couple.
Here's a preview of my college life. :o)

This is Theo (Tay-oh). He's my RA, and he was showing us his "magic trick." Didn't know condoms could get that big did you...LOL!

Ah! My favorita picture!!!!! This is a picture of most of my friends hanging in my room one weekend when we watched Perfect Blue!
Ok backrow starting from the left:
Debbie, Susan, Andrea, Henry, Ben
Front row starting from the left:
Peter and Thom (the two Jesus-es..or Jesi on campus), Dan, and JoAnna!

What do you think? I love my pictures, and I have MORE!

link2 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Nov. 13th, 2003|09:16 am]
the homies
[mood |sicksick]

so i am here at school.
i feeling sick.
i dont want ot be here.
i want to go home.

its raining.
thank god i didnt wear flip flops.

i dont have advisment until 9:30.

so i guess i should go now and starting walking over there.
linkpost comment

LEWK! [Nov. 12th, 2003|09:34 pm]
the homies
Nebula2434: so what are you wearing
just lonely baby: Nothing. You?
just lonely baby: Wanna cyber?
Nebula2434: haha lets doo it
linkpost comment

Awesome Study Session! [Nov. 12th, 2003|01:00 am]
the homies

[mood |indescribable]
[music |Kill Bill Soundtrack-- Bang Bang]

Ok. I had the BEST time studying Japanese with Peter.

Wait, if it were the BEST time..something would have happened between us. SO it was close to being the BEST time ever.

Earlier, I had emailed him telling him how none of us know each other very well. My friends and I here don't know the basic stuff about our lives. I had to look up their last names myself on the directory.

Anyway, Peter totally agreed about the whole thing. Of course my main objective was to try and to know Peter better.

WELL we just studied Japanese for a while, but we had the best time! We would make stupid jokes, and talk about some of the stuff we talked about online before.

THE BEST PART was when we were going to study the vocab. Let me write down what I can remember of our conversation.

Peter: "Great, an orgy of vocab!"
Me: Did you just say orgy of vocab?
Peter: Yeah....I was was wondering why you hadn't reacted to it.
Me: I just didn't hear you (laughing) All we need is that Marvin Gaye song "Let's Get it On" and it will truly be an orgy of vocab.
Peter: (Laughs..and proceeds to put on the song)
::song plays::: We both laugh!
Peter: An Orgy of Vocab. with Kelly..oohh yeaaah!

LOL! I love him, he's great!

We seriously flirted with each other the whole night. It was AWESOME! Ok, now I have to get abck to studying ArtHistory. Fuck..i'll be up FOREVER!

linkpost comment

[ viewing | 10 entries back ]
[ go | earlier/later ]